Why You Shouldn’t Compromise - When Both Partners Take a Little Pain for the “Health” of the Relationship
Unpopular Truth: Love does NOT equal Compromise
Yeah, I said it. Compromise is outdated
. If you want a relationship that feels good—like, truly good—then stop compromising.
Most of us have been sold this lie that compromise is what makes us "good people." That it's the only way to meet our needs in a relationship.
But let’s break it down:
What Is Compromise, Really?
An agreement where both sides make concessions.
(Translation: both people give something up they actually value.)-Accepting standards lower than what’s desirable.
(Basically, you’re settling. And it’s painful. No one’s winning here.)
When you compromise, you’re agreeing to a “little pain”.
Maybe you can keep the relationship afloat this way, but it won’t feel good.
You can’t expect joy and fulfillment when you’re constantly sacrificing pieces of yourself.
Don’t get it twisted : compromise is what you do in relationships that don’t actually work.
It’s a band-aid for incompatibility—a way to avoid facing the truth that maybe, just maybe, the relationship isn’t built to last
Think about it: compromise is a sacrifice, and sacrifice is just a ticking time bomb for resentment.
“I did this for you, so now you owe me.”
“It’s your turn to give something up because I gave something up last time.”
Sound familiar? It’s not love; it’s leverage.
The Gray Area: There’s Levels to This Sh*T
Now, sure—there are levels to this. Not every compromise is a soul-crushing sacrifice.
For example, your partner loves Italian food, and you’re more of a sushi person. Maybe you go to the Italian spot because you can find something you like there, even if it’s not your first choice.
That kind of compromise? Fine. No big deal. It doesn’t cost you anything major.
But when you’re constantly giving up what matters to you—your values, your boundaries, your sense of self—that’s when compromise becomes toxic. And that’s not love.
The Problem with Compromise
When you give up something you value for the sake of the relationship, it doesn’t make you a "good person."
It means you’re ignoring your boundaries and needs. That’s not love. That’s self-abandonment.
And let’s talk about this:
Pain does not equal love.
If someone pressures you to compromise, they might believe compromise = love.
("If you loved me, you’d ___.") But that’s not love
When we compromise, we’re not being loving.
When we ask someone to compromise, we’re not being loving.
When someone compromises for us, we’re not actually being loved.
Consistent compromise?
It’s usually just a mask for incompatibility. It’s what we do when we’re constantly trying to change someone—or when we’re trying to change ourselves—to make the relationship work.
The Solution: A Genuine Win-Win
For a relationship to feel good, both people have to be all in on a real “win-win” scenario.
That means:
Both people feel good about the decision.
Both people get to say a genuine yes.
Anything less than that? Overtime turns to pain and resentment
The Bottom Line
Compromise isn’t about love; it’s about fear.
We compromise because we’re scared—scared to lose someone, scared to be alone, scared of the unknown.
But fear-driven choices don’t lead to healthy, feel-good relationships.
Settling? Sacrifice? Pain? That’s not the vibe.
A real connection happens when both people feel seen, heard, and valued—without having to give up what matters most to them.
So stop compromising. Start asking for what you really want.
And only say yes to a relationship that feels like a hell yes.
Love-
Victoria Rose xo
